as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
