the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
