mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
