I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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