I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
