We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
