yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
