Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
