his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
