I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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