she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
