walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
