the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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