Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
