We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
