He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I sprained my soul last night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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