i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
