He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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