I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
