I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
