You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
