I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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