And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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