could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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