it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
