I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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