dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
