made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
