Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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