I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
