The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
