Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
