piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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