Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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