The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
