Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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