Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
