M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
