Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
