And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
