I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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