Umm I'm too high to move.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
