no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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