it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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