dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
