nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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