Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
