First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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