I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
