Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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