He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
