no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
