Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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