It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
