You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
