ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
