she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
