I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
