margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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