my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
