4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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