It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
