Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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