The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
