Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
