If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
