My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
