I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
