hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
