We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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