god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
