I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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