I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
