his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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