I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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