so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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