Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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