I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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