we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were trust falling into bushes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
