My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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