shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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