You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
