I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
