Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
