he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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