margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
